Time thief, p.31
Time Thief, page 31
“We’re trying to find a better way. We are not yet perfect. Even with how many people were injured in the simulations, it cannot touch the number which will be saved from that suffering from now. However, there were even more dire consequences than we had imagined.”
I stared hard into the emptiness of the room. A lifetime of rage boiled over. These were ridiculous excuses. They really believed they couldn’t find another way to gain the data they needed? “Fuck you! Fuck you from each and every one of us in every life we lived in the shit world you made for us.”
Dr. Drake stepped toward me, lifting her hand. “Max!”
“Let her speak,” the Collective said. “She deserves it.”
“All the beauty,” I said, “All the wonderful things like love.” I lifted my hand. “It was worth the suffering. But that doesn’t justify what you let happen to us either. So sit with that for eternity, assholes.”
“How can we do better by your world?”
I’d almost let my anger blind me to the most important things I needed to say. “If you want to collect data on our world, fine. You’ve already set your experiments in motion. But do not intervene again unless people from my world approve it. Piercey can help create a fair system for evaluating your actions. Do not experiment on us. Do not manipulate our worlds. Make your supervisors simply watch.”
“In your memories, you didn’t like the silence of the gods. And yet now, you would rather that we ignore the prayers of the people?”
“I would, because your answers to our prayers, when you bother to answer, are deranged. Monitor us. Fine. But no one should be able to intervene in our world again like Dr. Henderson has.”
“We will collect information from our supervisors and consider this.”
I pressed my hands against the warm glass. “I lost my life because of your experiments going wrong. I want an avatar, just like Dr. Henderson has.”
“Dr. Henderson lived many lives in preparation for being supervisor and having an avatar, so she could make ethical decisions. Even she fell into evil. You aren’t ready.”
“I don’t need any new powers or any of the responsibilities Dr. Henderson has. Make my avatar exactly the same as I was before I died. I just need a body to take back to my world.”
Dr. Drake nodded at me, smiling gently.
“Please.” I wiped my tears. “I may be a young soul. I may be angry. But there’s something inside of me that made the computer identify me as someone who could make a difference. So, listen to me. Let me go back to my world and I promise I will return one day with answers about how you can make things better for the people you experimented on.”
I didn’t like the silence that followed. Why was I asking? Begging? Sure, they could refuse, but I should stop acting like they were doing me a favor when their supervisor murdered me. With my eyes narrowing, I spoke in a low voice.
“Do you know what it’s like to die? Can you even imagine how it feels for your life to be stolen? To be bled out on a stage while a crowd of ignorant people try to take your power for themselves? You owe me a body. Give me what I’m owed or you prove that you still aren’t better.”
“We can agree to this on one condition. You shared all of your memories with us. Allow us to watch over you for the rest of your life in your world. We’ll give you reasonable privacy, but we want to see your decisions, and to look at your world through your eyes.”
I hesitated. “Privacy?”
“Yes, we can filter out such things.”
I rubbed the back of my neck. “Okay. As long as you filter things.” My chest tightened as I realized what they had just said. “Wait, you’ll really give me an avatar?”
“You’re right that you deserve to return to your world. This is the only method available to us.”
Tears flooded my eyes. Right now, everyone I loved had lived for nearly a week with me gone. They surely thought I was never returning. How must Nash feel? Elsie? Leif, Wren, and Rune? My chest ached with the horror of leaving them behind. I had to return.
“Is there anything else, Max?”
I struggled to keep my voice from breaking from the emotion. “Take away the power. It’s only hurting people.”
“If we alter substantial elements of your world, it may cause irreparable harm. If you want to keep your world, you must keep it as it is.”
“What will you do about Dr. Henderson?”
“We have a great deal to investigate. We must understand what happened to her and if it has happened to other supervisors. We will look into how she hid this from us and exactly what she has done in your world. And we will rehabilitate her.”
“Then you’re taking her out of my world immediately, right?”
“We already attempted it as soon as you shared your memories. Dr. Henderson helped create our digital universe and understands it too well. She’s woven herself into the fabric of your world.”
Dread buzzed through my body. “Does she know you tried to remove her?”
“She shouldn’t. We merely studied the code and determined that we may not be able to remove her without damaging your world.”
“What happens if her avatar is destroyed?”
“We cannot condone murder and allow you to kill Dr. Henderson.”
I snorted. “She’s in my world. Mine. Our justice will rule. Self-determination, remember? I’ll give her the chance to leave peacefully.”
I expected them to argue; instead, they only paused. “Avatars follow physical laws. She would need to create a new one if hers were destroyed.”
Where was Piercey when I needed him? He’d be able to genuinely tell the Collective he would go to Dr. Henderson in peace. I drew upon how I knew he’d feel, sensing him through our connected memories, and tried to have his heart for this moment. “I swear that I will do everything I can to be peaceful with Dr. Henderson.”
Dr. Drake stepped forward. “I’ll go into the control room and convince her to leave Max’s world if all else fails. I can try to keep her from creating another avatar.”
“What if she won’t?” Fear tightened my voice.
“As a last result, we’ll force her out, and attempt to repair any damage done.”
“Am I authorized to negotiate with her?” Dr. Drake asked.
“Yes. Bear in mind the seriousness of her sickness.”
She dipped her head. “I will.”
“Thank you for sharing with us, Max. I hope that we will find a better path as we move forward. We will immediately implement security measures now that we know our supervisors are at risk of devolving.”
I settled my head against the window, afraid to be finished. Afraid there would be something I’d later regret not saying. “I feel like I need to apologize for my rage so you’ll grant my request. But it’s how I feel. I don’t think I should hide the suffering and pain of my people from you. So please, honor my request anyway.”
Maybe in my next life I’d be ready to grow out of my anger. For now, I held it close as my longest and truest friend.
Because there was no way in hell Dr. Henderson was leaving my world alive. She needed to experience the death she’d forced upon us all.
I would kill her and she would never return.
CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT
Are you sure about this?”
I cocked my eyebrow at Dr. Drake. Was that a serious question? “Yes. Absolutely. Let’s do this, now. I need to get back to my people as soon as possible.”
“You can take more time to recover from what you’ve been through. You experienced death, Max.”
“I’m ready to go home. Come on.”
I tapped my fingers against the table. We’d just learned that the Collective gave all the worlds like mine the right to continue without being shut down while they conducted investigations into the supervisors.
I breathed slowly and met Dr. Drake’s eyes. “Thank you for your help. When I come back, I’ll remember what you did for my world.”
“Be careful, Max. You’ve already felt so much pain. If you lose this body, they won’t make you another.”
“I will.” I breathed in deeply. “You said Flare was with the Prophet in the temple. Are you sure there’s no sign of her leaving?”
“I’m sure. I’ll pull you back into this room after you confront her. If she can’t be reasoned with, let me take care of her.”
Reason with her. Ha! I had no intention of reasoning with Flare.
Dr. Drake took my hands and looked into my eyes with what truly must have been the look of a god. So full of wisdom and grace.
“Max,” she said. “You have many lives to live. You’re so young. Remember that what you do matters, in every life and every world.”
I squeezed her hands. “See you on the other side, Dr. Drake.” I lay down and closed my eyes, ready to wake up back home and deal with Flare according to my rules.
Dr. Drake did not disappoint. I woke up at the Door of the Gods with the promise that when I walked out, I would be wherever I wanted to be in the world. And I knew exactly where that was.
Dying hadn’t been easy. Coming back to life wouldn’t be either. I hesitated before the door, realizing I was trembling.
“It’ll be fine,” I whispered to myself. “Be strong.”
Taking in a deep breath, I lifted my chin and stepped out of the door into the courtyard at the Sacred School. The smell of hickory and grass filled my senses. Home. For the first time, this had become home to me.
I wanted to run for Nash, but first I needed to see what was happening. They had all been through so much already. I had to be careful.
Dew wet my boots as I tiptoed into the yard. The sun had just risen. Quietly, I picked my way to the door and opened it slowly so it didn’t make any noise. Silent steps carried me to the residential hall and into Nash’s suite.
I steadied my breathing as I slid the door shut and crept to the bedroom. Standing in the doorway, my heart pooled in my stomach. Nash slept in the middle of the bed with Elsie bundled up in his arms.
If I was careful, I could wake Nash without Elsie stirring. But I didn’t know how to do this without giving Nash a heart attack. Maybe I should have waited until he woke up.
My heart stormed. I couldn’t.
Morning sun shone on the ground beneath the curtain. I stood in it, staring for a moment. His curls were a mess, his beard growing out, and the bed was covered in Elsie’s toys and clothes. Imagining him here for this past week, likely more certain with each passing hour that I’d never return, grieved me deeply. My heart twisted as I slid into the bed beside him and placed my hand upon his heart, settling my lips against his ear.
“Nash,” I whispered. “Wake up.”
His eyes opened. I rubbed my palm gently against his chest, wanting so badly to erase the grief of the last week. For a moment, he didn’t move, and then his eyes lowered to my hand, his fingers barely grazing mine.
“I’m dreaming.” It came on a breath. Pain contorted his expression as he turned his face toward me and his glassy eyes met mine. “Don’t make me wake up.”
“Then walk with me,” I whispered, kissing beneath his ear. “Quietly.”
It wouldn’t hurt him to believe this was a dream for a few minutes. I took his hand and pushed a pillow against Elsie’s back when he stood.
Nash didn’t move when I tugged his hand. His eyes were wide and his mouth open.
“It’s okay,” I whispered.
His hand was limp in mine. I led him out of the bedroom, down the hall, to the courtyard door, and out beneath the paleness of the morning sky.
“Shh,” I said as we walked for the large tree where we could hide.
He looked like he sleepwalked as he followed me. I turned to face him, hot tears sliding down my cheeks.
“Nash.” My voice hardly worked.
“This can’t be real.” Emotion shook his voice, his broad shoulders. “We waited as long as we could with your body. It’s gone now. You’re gone.”
“Nash, this is real.” I took his hands, keeping my voice calm and gentle. “I was with the gods.”
“I’ve lost my mind, haven’t I?”
“Okay … Okay, sit down.” I tugged him toward the ground. “Come on.”
I sat on my knees, close now. This time, he really looked at me, and I saw all the agony that had twisted him up. My heart broke. I had done this to him. I had left him.
“You feel me.” I wrapped my arms around him and drew his head to my shoulder. “That’s all that matters. I’m here.”
Nash grasped me weakly. “You went unconscious. Dr. Henderson forced you into the white room. Piercey couldn’t stop her. And then we found your body abandoned in the snow outside, bloody and cut badly.” His arms tightened around me until it was hard for me to breathe. “Flare stood in the distance while I picked you up.”
I ran my fingers through his tangled hair. “I’m here now. The gods showed me favor.”
Nash dipped his hand into his shirt and pulled up the black burial beads of the dead. “We returned you to the gods. I buried you, Max. This …” He squeezed the necklace in his palm. “This is all that remains of you.”
My stomach revolted at the beads. “They gave me a new body.” I wanted to rip the necklace from him and throw it off a cliff. Shivers cut down my spine. That had once been me?
“I can’t let myself believe this is real. It’ll hurt too badly when I wake up.” He drew back and looked at me, leaving the beads hanging at his chest. “I can’t lose you again.”
“The gods gave me an avatar like Flare’s. You aren’t losing me.”
We sat together until Nash had calmed enough that I thought he could walk. I wasn’t sure that he believed any of this was real. I would have thought I was losing my mind, too.
Once we were inside, I nodded toward the residential hall. “Wake them up. I’m afraid I’ll put them all in shock like I did with you.”
I twisted the bottom of my shirt and looked at each person as we sat on the grass together. Trish and her husband had taken Elsie away so she wouldn’t see me yet. But everyone else was with me. And no one spoke.
Might as well start. I breathed in deeply. “I have no idea how to help you all cope with this except to be honest. I’m here to stay.”
Nash leaned against his knees, holding his head. “I’m afraid I’m hallucinating that all of you are seeing her, too.”
“We’re all hallucinating if you are,” Leif said.
“Flare took me to the eclipse,” I said. “One in the past. I died and woke up in the next life.”
Wren scooted closer and turned my hand over so she could trace her fingers along my palm. “You feel normal.”
“I confronted the gods and convinced them to give me an avatar like Dr. Henderson’s.”
“Why did the gods agree to this?” Piercey asked, the first time he had spoken since seeing me.
“They apologized for the suffering they had caused and let me return because I only died due to Dr. Henderson.”
“As a god? Have they returned you to us in god-form?” Leif asked.
“No. Besides, they don’t see themselves as gods.”
Nash lowered his hands, the look in his eye changing. His voice cracked. “This is real.”
“Yes. It’s real. It—”
Nash hooked his arm around my waist and dragged me down to the ground against him, his embrace strong, desperate. The shock had passed and I had him here, with me. Rolling me onto my back, he kissed the side of my face, my jaw, my lips. A laugh loosened the tension in my chest.
“You’re here.” He kissed me hard. “You came back to me.”
His fingers dug into my sides like if he didn’t keep a hold of me, I might slip away. It didn’t matter who saw. Couldn’t matter. We’d lost each other and now we were together again.
“We’re still here,” Leif said. “In case you give a shit.”
I smiled as Nash’s lips pressed against mine again.
They laughed and teased and I hardly heard a word of it. Soon we would need to fight the hardest battle of our lives. There had to be a moment to be reunited.
CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE
I knelt on the hill where I’d gathered with Nash, Piercey, and Val the first time we battled the Prophet when we were freeing my people. It felt like such a long time ago now.
Even though I’d agreed to this plan, worry sat like lead in my gut. Wren and Leif had returned to our village to gather our warriors to march to the Prophet’s village, because when this was over, there would be chaos to continue. Piercey had sent word to his graduates, but I knew they wouldn’t make it in time.
It should have only been me here, risking a life I’d already lost once. Instead, Nash and Piercey both knelt beside me as we eyed the Prophet’s village.
I glanced over to the man who I had never expected to fall for and wondered how we’d ended up here. Only hours ago, he’d been silenced by the shock of my return. It didn’t take long after I announced my plans that he quickly found his voice.
“We already lost you once,” Nash had said. “You’ve just returned. Let us handle Flare and the Prophet. Piercey will call on his graduates and this time they will act because you carry the gods’ favor. Rest and recover from what you’ve been through.”
“We can’t wait for them. Flare may already know I’m here. I’ve waited too long as it is by talking to all of you. Now’s the time. Piercey can gather everyone, but I’m going ahead.”
Nash had clutched my wrist and drawn me close. “Not without me.”
“You don’t have power. What can you do?”
I hadn’t meant any cruelty by the words, but it had been clear from the pain in his eye that the words had cut him deeply. How must he have felt finding my body and grieving my death? The powerlessness surely haunted him now.
“I can fight.” His voice had rumbled deeply. “Piercey and I will partner together again like we did before. Take us with you.”
“I’ve never traveled like that before.”
“Excuses. You can do this, Max. You will not fight this battle alone.” Nash had clutched the back of my head and bent to press his forehead against mine. “Do not deny me this battle.”
