Time thief, p.28
Time Thief, page 28
Then I felt the strong hand kneading the tight muscles in my arm. My eyes fluttered open to Nash holding me in his arms. Had I slipped away to another time?
“You see me, don’t you?” Nash’s jaw muscles bunched. “You have to stop. You’re killing yourself.”
“That’s … the point … I have to die until I learn how to escape.”
“You’re going to die right now if you keep going.”
“I won’t. I can’t.” I smiled and slid my hand along his face, leaving specks of blood from the tips of my fingers. “I’ll survive.”
I dove back into death.
Eventually, I caught the moment I took my last breath, thought my last thought, felt the last shiver of life creep from my body. I lived in that moment for what felt like eternity.
Death bled into life. I’d learned to travel each but could never tame either. At some point, I lost my hold, and I slipped away to what my soul longed for.
“I love you,” Nash whispered in a husky voice, mouth on mine before I could respond.
He loved me again and again.
When I finally awoke in a warm bed with the pain a distant memory, and realized I’d given up in the fight to continue traveling, I opened my eyes to Nash sitting beside me and Leif staring out the window.
“You’re awake.” Nash sat forward and brushed my hair back.
“Get Piercey … I need to share these memories. We’ve got to study the moment I died and figure out the code. I can feel it …” My eyes closed. I was so exhausted. “The way out.”
I didn’t want Piercey to suffer like I had, and taking these memories from me would hurt him.
We had to do this, though. Our powers complemented each other too well.
CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR
It had taken me a week to recover from my slips until I could connect with Piercey to share what I’d experienced, and then another week for him to do the same after living through it all with me.
Despite sharing, we couldn’t perform each other’s skills, though our abilities did improve from the knowledge. I needed more than just to connect with Piercey to become a healer, and he needed more to travel through time or space. It wasn’t something that could simply be known, but had to be practiced and mastered.
Though Piercey didn’t want to admit it, that limited his ability to try to go to the afterlife for me. Would he even make it through the door?
My training turned entirely to breaking into the afterlife with my memories, but I longed so fiercely to leave the mountain and battle that the yearning turned into a dull ache that spread throughout my body. The Prophet of the Valley had not dared to cross me, but other Prophets were growing more powerful, and my people had fought several battles without me.
It was difficult to not let it distract me.
Day after day, in the somber quiet, Piercey and I meditated on that moment when death had taken me, Piercey studying it and tearing it apart and breaking it down into binary I’d never really understand, and me instinctively feeling along the jagged boundaries of our world.
I had begun to sense it before he discovered it, but in the end, it was melting my instinct and his studies that opened our eyes to the elegant little door that led from our world to the afterlife. The door that Dr. Henderson had locked.
Since we had control of the world and Piercey could work in the white room, we had everything we needed for him to learn how to crack the code.
Fortunately, Piercey had also been making rapid progress with the issue of potential memory loss. We’d decided that relying upon only one strategy was not enough. So, Piercey helped me back up my memories in the white room in the hopes that they would be accessible from the afterlife, considering it was distinct from my world. He’d also helped to compress and store them in my neural implant. But the last line of defense was the self-construction algorithm he’d been teaching me. If all else failed, I had to hope that it would be buried so deeply within me that I would remember to run the code and restore my memories.
As frightening as dying should be, the fear of waking up in the afterlife and remembering nothing was much worse. That would mean accidentally abandoning everyone I loved here without any help. I had to master this. So I couldn’t worry about the battles happening in the Valley or about my guilt for staying here on the mountain.
This was a war only I could fight.
Every time we practiced, Piercey made sure to close the door to the afterlife when we were done, because Dr. Henderson couldn’t discover what we’d learned if she regained control.
I practiced prying open the door until I could do it without even really trying.
Flare would be in control of our world again someday. I had to be ready and trust that when I escaped to the afterlife, I would know what to do. Someone would care about what was happening to us. Even in a young world like mine, there was always someone willing to help. I had to find those people and rally them to our cause.
As challenging as this seemed, I had found my way to people I could trust in every life. I would find my way to allies beyond this world. I had to believe there was good out there, because if not, we really were doomed.
Still, my dread only worsened as Flare made progress with uniting Prophets together. When the Flatlanders and their allies that Flare helped them form on the coast and in lands far beyond their own stole village after village from our Prophet, I could scarcely control the rage. We needed to act as soon as I had mastered these powers. Either I would kill the Prophet of the Valley and begin the war that would plunge Skia Hellig into darkness, or first I would travel to the afterlife.
The problem was that I couldn’t die and pass through the door, even when we unlocked it. So, to go to the afterlife, I needed to actually live through my death during the eclipse. Piercey still believed that it may never happen, but I disagreed, because I could travel to it. I believed that once Dr. Henderson regained control of the world, she would find a way to send me to that day. When she did, I would escape from this world to fight her from the one beyond it. If that happened before I killed the Prophet, then Piercey had to watch over the Valley until I found a way to return. He promised me that even if I didn’t, he and all of his graduates would come together to kill the Prophet. That would be my dying wish should I truly leave this world behind.
At this rate, Flare would have her nations in a few years’ time. These wars would one day be forgotten as the wonders of plumbing and paved roads and maybe even factories elevated the life of everyone in the world. But whatever world she made would be built on a foundation of war, those with power crushing those without, a god who stole the lives of her own people. It would be a world that could never be fair and would always be at risk of this power unleashing upon the people. Prophets, demons, disciples, graduates. It didn’t matter what any of us were called. We possessed something that could crush and torture and subjugate everyone else in the world.
And that wasn’t even taking into consideration that when we died here in this simulation, we may remain dead forever.
We could not give up.
In the face of so much danger, Nash and Elsie, Piercey, Wren and Leif and Rune, my hope that one day they could be free, kept me grounded.
The morning I took Elsie out for a walk in the snow and watched her make angels in the white, watched Nash smile at his child, I knew better than I had ever known that I couldn’t give up.
Enough time had passed that when the day came, it felt swifter than anything ever had. I was preparing for a training session with Piercey to practice opening the door again and then to study how to make it back from the afterlife alive, when he called out to me with his neural link.
I traveled to him immediately and froze. Piercey was doubled over, holding his head.
I pushed a hand against my stomach as I followed the trails of sweat slithering down Piercey’s face.
“Don’t know how long I can last.” He grunted in pain. “She’s forcing her way in.”
“I have to do it now.” My feeling drained from my body for that one moment. “There’s no time to wait.”
“Do what?” He grunted and wiped his forehead.
“Go to the afterlife.”
“No!” His eyes snapped to me. “We have to figure out a certain way for you to return to our world.”
“Hold her off as long as you can. I need to be in the right headspace to do this. I won’t wait for her to take me and throw me off. I’ll travel to the eclipse and I won’t come back this time.”
“Max!” Piercey reached for me as I slipped away to Leif and Wren.
“We need another group to patrol here.” Wren smashed her finger against the map in the library. But Leif wasn’t listening. He’d seen me appear behind her. Had seen the tears wetting my cheeks.
Leif watched me. “What are you about to do?”
Wren twisted her brows and then turned around.
They’d always known what I couldn’t say. “Take care of them.” I didn’t stop the tears from coming. “Kiss Rune for me. This is the only way.”
They stood and came to me, maybe to stop me, or just to hold me. I clung to my circle. “Goodbye,” I whispered.
“Don’t,” Leif said. “Whatever this is, don’t do it.”
“Max.” Wren clasped my face and looked forcefully into my eyes. “Stop it and tell us what this is about.”
“Flare is about to take back control. There’s no time.” I kissed Wren’s smooth cheek and then Leif’s prickly one. “I love you both. Tell my little buddy I love him, too.”
They uttered my name as they dug their fingers into me to hold me in place, but I forced myself to leave them.
I landed in Elsie’s dim room where she played with morning weariness slowing her motions. She hummed as she lovingly placed the hand of one doll in the other and then groaned when they fell away.
I knelt down. She’d see my tears. A goodbye would only confuse and frighten her. So I gripped my hand into a fist and swallowed down the cry building inside of me.
“Goodbye, Elsie,” I mouthed. “I love you.”
When I closed my eyes, I didn’t have to try to imagine Nash. He was all I saw. My heart broke in two. Back when I’d allowed visions of my death to rule over me and hold me back from living, I’d decided not to ever have a family, so I wouldn’t leave them behind. How could I choose to leave now that I loved them and had let them love me?
I would lose them if I did nothing, though. Dr. Henderson would erase this life we created. She would erase me. Soon.
If I wanted to save everything I had, I had to let go. I had to go beyond my life, beyond the world that Dr. Henderson could control, and step into the unknown.
With my resolve fresh, I slipped to Nash, standing before him in the hall. It looked like he had been heading to find Elsie in Trish’s suite.
Seriousness filled Nash’s eyes immediately. He said nothing. Fear flooded him, tightening the muscles in his face, his hands, his arms. He was afraid to ask and I was afraid to say it. So we only stared at one another with the unspoken between us.
How could I say goodbye to him? How would that be possible when I didn’t know if we’d ever remember each other? Or how long it would take to find each other in the next life? What if somehow Dr. Henderson kept us apart forever?
Hot tears flooded my eyes and spilled down my cheeks. The same heat built in my throat in a bundle that choked out my air and voice. I had to get a hold of myself. But I’d been slipping away my entire life no matter how hard I tried to hold on. Maybe people weren’t meant to stay in place through things like this. Maybe grief was meant to sweep us away and I should finally accept it.
I’d always returned before.
This time, I didn’t know if I would.
Nash rushed to me then and tangled his hands in my hair, tilting my head back, searching my eyes. “Tell me.” It wasn’t a question or suggestion. His words were forceful, almost prying the truth from my lips. We had traveled so far since that day in the cell when he’d been sharpening his swords or when I fought him in the woods after the Flatlanders had hurt Leif. The months had flown by, but they’d also felt like an entire life lived. I tasted the flavor of lives lost; dreams we could not remember but had fully lived.
I would find my way back to Nash like I always had.
I couldn’t hold myself back from him anymore than I had been able to hold myself in time all those days the past and future stole me away. “I’m traveling to the eclipse.” Resolution hardened my voice. “I have to die, Nash. I have to reach beyond this world. Flare is about to regain control.”
“Let me.” He begged. It didn’t matter that he knew he couldn’t. Nash couldn’t accept what I told him. “I’ll be the one to die.”
I shouldn’t have told him. I wasn’t strong enough to face it. I should have run like a coward. “You don’t have to let me go. Hold on to me so you can find me again in the next life.”
His arms wrapped around me and smothered me.
“I’ve found you in every life I’ve ever lived.” I wove my fingers into his curls. “I’ll find you again.”
“Don’t let go.”
“I won’t, even when I die.” I brought my lips to his and pressed closely to kiss him. Our tears mingled and smeared against our cheeks. “I’ll hold on to you forever.”
“I love you, Max.” Nash kissed me hard.
“I love you, Nash. I always have, in the dreams we can’t remember, and now, and in what comes next. I’ve always loved you and I always will.”
I lacked the strength I needed, but that had never stopped me in battle. I reached within myself for something deeper and more real than my power. For the piece of me that told me I existed, that had been true in every life, the core of who I was, and I knew then that I could do this. I could do anything for the ones I loved.
“Goodbye, Nash.”
I slipped away from him one last time.
CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE
I opened my eyes after trying to travel to the eclipse and found myself lying on a white floor, suffocated by plain white walls with my arms tied behind my back.
Flare’s face blinked in and out of view.
“Flare … ?” Her hair was a few inches longer than it had been when I’d last seen her.
“There you are.” She tilted her head. “I thought it would be harder to bring you here, but you weren’t responsive. It feels even worse when you don’t fight back.”
“I slipped to this time. I must have been unconscious.”
She pushed my hair back. “You’re burning up. Did you really just slip? Or are you toying with time?” She chuckled softly. “In your last life when you tried to learn to control it, you failed miserably. At least you’re making some kind of progress.”
“Why are we in the white room?”
“I took back control, just recently, actually. You must have been drawn to this event.”
I squeezed my eyes shut. “How did you get control back?”
“I’m not going to explain myself to you. You showed me the error of such mercy. We should say goodbye for good this time, dear girl. You’ve caused too many problems. It’s too dangerous to wait as you grow stronger.”
I couldn’t let her suspect I’d traveled here on purpose or she might figure out my plan. “Don’t do this.”
“Be a good girl and sleep this time.”
“Don’t hurt anyone else. Please. Be satisfied with me.”
Flare tilted her head, the smoldering of her eyes bright against the all-white room. “You knew this would happen. Why did you never stop fighting me? The Prophet is waiting. The eclipse is waiting.” Her voice dropped to a whisper. “The afterlife is not. I can’t release you, not yet. You may not believe me, but I am sorry. I’ve never been more sorry for anything.”
Flare rose and faded into the image of Dr. Henderson.
She smiled sadly. “Sweet dreams, Max. I’ll send you and the Prophet to an eclipse that happened long ago. Like I did in your other lives. Only this time, you won’t come back.”
“Dr. Henderson.” I strained against my bonds. “Dr. Henderson!”
She slid her hand over my eyes and then I opened them to countless snarling faces in a crowd. Screaming and cursing.
Ropes bit into my skin.
This was it.
I stared into the inky black eyes that had haunted me as long as I could remember. I was on the stage, bound to a tall post, like I had been so many times before, but this time I wouldn’t slip back to reality. This was my reality.
Above me, the moon had nearly consumed the sun. A crowd spilled into the courtyard in front of me. And surrounding me stood ten figures wearing Prophet cloaks.
There would be no escaping if I changed my mind. Flare had convinced them all to join forces and kill me.
I focused on my arms to break my bonds anyway. Couldn’t help it. I hated being unable to move. But my wrists only tugged uselessly at them. Power came at me from all angles. They were holding me down.
Fear sliced through me. It didn’t matter that I’d chosen this. I couldn’t shake it.
What kind of deal had Flare made?
“Kill her!” A woman shrieked and threw her shoe at the stage. “Kill the demon! Kill the bitch!”
The Prophet hypnotized the people with a speech so full of lies it made me sick.
And then he turned on me. Turned his spear in his hand as he stared into my eyes. Plunged the tip into my stomach.
Red hot fire seared my midsection.
The Prophet pushed the spear in deeper. I screamed and slammed my head back against the post.
“Vile demon.” He stepped back and raised his spear to my face. Its sharp tip gleamed with blood. “Go back. Back to the pits of hell.” Pain bit my neck. He pressed his spear carefully against my throat. “Spew another curse and I’ll sever the head from your body.”
“Kill her!” A man threw his mug of ale at me. It landed on the ground and splashed my ankles. “Kill the demon!”
