All i need you to be, p.15
All I Need You to Be, page 15
After all, we had known Joe for a long time. I guess for him, what Joe did to me was kind of a betrayal because he was one of his best friends.
The ringing of my phone interrupted our silence.
Rick: I hope at least you found a nice dress for your sister's wedding. I'm here, with a cookie jar, watching cop documentaries and feeling miserable.
I imagined him curled up with a cookie jar full of naughty things while watching Discovery Investigation and couldn't help but smile.
Anna: I haven't found the right one yet, but I'll let you know the second I do. However, I think Jack would like to change places with you in the blink of an eye.
Rick: Deal. What could be better than watching your girl try on sexy dresses?
Your girl.
The fact that he thought of me as his girl made my cheeks flush. The blush betrayed me in front of Eve and Jack, who were staring at me while I texted.
Eve gave me a mischievous smile before disappearing between the racks of dresses, leaving Jack and me behind.
Meanwhile, Jack stared at me before letting out a sigh, making his shoulders go back to their relaxed state.
"I think you should invite him, Anna. Amy would love to meet him."
I didn't expect Jack to say that at all.
He gave me a comforting smile and then followed Eve.
Obviously, Jack started to let his guard down, and I wondered why I didn't just take the missing step.
Your girl.
Maybe Eve was right, and Rick and I already had a formal relationship, even if neither of us had made it official.
If there was one thing I couldn't hide, it was how happy I was just talking to him and how much it bothered me not being able to say we were together.
TWENTY-FOUR
After we got the dresses, Jack brought me back to my place so I could put things away and get ready for my shift at Benny's.
He and Eve had decided to go to a bar tonight with some of Eve's friends.
A smile spread across my face as I looked at my reflection in the mirror. The dress was perfect, its soft red silk fabric fitted my curves, and the bodice enhanced my breasts.
Tiny lace details made my collar bones stand out. It was so simple yet so beautiful.
I had intended to wear the dress for only a few minutes, but it had already been ten and I still didn't want to take it off.
I looked like never before, happy, radiant, sexy. Although I wanted to give some credit to the dress—which had cost almost half of my salary—I knew it was not the only reason for my change.
Ever since Eve brought up Rick's topic at the store, she kept insisting that I should invite him, and to my surprise, Jack joined her. Apparently, his wariness was beginning to wane.
I thought for many hours about whether or not to listen to Eve. At first, I was worried that my family would frown on me starting to date someone so quickly after Joe. They had always been so close to him and his family.
But when I expressed my concern to Eve in the ladies' room, I swear she almost put my head in the toilet.
And I couldn't blame her; I had been making absurd excuses, coming up with a thousand buts to avoid admitting that I was beginning to have feelings for Rick.
In the end, Eve was right. I shouldn't mourn a relationship that was clearly long dead, even if I hadn't noticed it, and I shouldn't postpone my happiness either.
Why should I? For Joe, someone who betrayed me in the worst possible way? What was stopping me from inviting Rick to the wedding?
It was absurd, and I was tired of being absurd.
I took off my dress to change into my uniform of khaki pants and Benny's shirt.
I couldn't wait for Rick to see me wearing that dress. Well, if he agreed to go with me to the wedding, of course.
I pulled my hair into a ponytail and took the rest of my things to do the last shift at the restaurant where I worked.
Thanksgiving break was only a week away, and Amy's wedding would be just a day before.
Crap! I forgot about it.
I was so excited about the dress and so eager to invite Rick that I forgot that he might already have plans to visit his family.
Based on what he had told me, his family owned a house in California, and ever since his brother James moved there, his parents liked to spend all the holidays there.
My enthusiasm faded, but I was still just as determined to talk to Rick about our situation.
I bent down to unlock my bike. As I entered the password, a shadow stood before me.
When I looked up, my heart skipped a beat.
"What are you doing here?" I asked, standing up and folding my arms.
I took a step back to put some distance between us.
"You didn't answer my messages."
"That's because we have nothing to talk about." My voice came out louder than I expected, but I didn't regret it.
It had been a while since I saw Joe last time. He looked paler than I remembered him, and a bruise on his cheek stood out against his grayish-white skin.
I felt in his eyes that something was haunting him. I knew him enough to be able to read his expressions.
"What happened?" I asked, pointing my finger at his bruise. I mentally chided myself for showing a bit of concern.
"Your boyfriend did it to me," he replied angrily.
"My boyfriend?"
His answer threw me for a few seconds until I remembered what I told Rick a few days ago.
I hadn't seen him since then, and as he didn't keep insisting on reporting Joe for what he had done, I thought he had just decided to leave things as they were.
Now I realized that it was not the case.
"I don't know what you told your boyfriend, but you better not do anything stupid."
His voice brought me out of my thoughts and my face turned pale. Despite that, I tried to remain calm.
"Is that a threat?" My voice didn't waver, even though I started to feel a lump in my throat.
"Take it as a warning," he said as he took a step to approach me.
Instinctively, I reacted by taking a step back.
"And what exactly are you warning me about?"
My stupor was quickly turning to anger, and I felt the blood rushing back to my cheeks.
Joe sighed as he closed his eyes, and his shoulders relaxed. His fingers moved to the space between his eyebrows as if he were going through a severe headache, and then he looked up at me.
"Anna, about those pictures... I'm so sorry. I never meant to hurt you," he said in a breathy whisper.
"Well, what a twisted way to show it."
"We were in a relationship for years—"
"So that gave you the right to take pictures of me without my consent?" I interrupted him.
The silence fell between us. We both knew the answer to my question.
"Anna, I know I hurt you, but I think you better stop dating Rick."
Now it wasn't just my cheeks that were burning; my ears were on fire too. I felt like I was going to burst with rage.
"It's none of your business who I date, Joe, and you'd better leave me alone."
I quickly put on my helmet and got on my bike.
"Now you're threatening me?"
His mouth twisted into a smirk which made me even angrier.
"Take it as a warning," I replied between my teeth, repeating his words.
Without looking back, I started pedaling towards Benny's.
I had to hurry because of this stupid confrontation with Joe, so I wouldn't be late. I hoped that at least this exercise would help me to release some of my anger.
**********
I was only five minutes late for my shift, but no one said a thing. I was very grateful for that because Joe had completely ruined my good mood.
By midnight I helped Erick, the new guy, clear the tables so we could close the place.
Fortunately, the hustle and bustle of waiting tables had helped me calm down a bit, especially since Rick was coming for me and I wasn't sure how to bring up the Joe issue.
When I did my last shift at Benny's, it was usually Eve who picked me up in her car. Although she constantly complained about my refusal to buy a car, she always picked me up anyways because she was worried about me pedaling to campus at this hour.
When I texted Rick this afternoon, he immediately called me and insisted on picking me up.
At the time, I was excited. I had canceled our non-date this afternoon and thought I wouldn't see him for a few days, but now I wasn't so excited about meeting him because a small flame of anger still burned in my chest.
"My mom's already here for me," Erick said, snapping me out of my reverie. "Do you mind if you finish folding the napkins? I can tell her to wait for me for a few minutes."
"It's okay. It's just a few napkins, and they haven't come by to pick me up yet."
"Great, thanks. See you later," he replied with a smile that highlighted the dimple in his cheek.
"No problem. See you," I said, smiling back and waving my hand in farewell.
I got back to my task and finished folding the few remaining napkins and then put them away on the kitchen shelves.
Only Lola and Richard, the dishwasher working the last shift, were left.
I took off my apron and hung it by the kitchen door when I saw Rick's vehicle pull up outside the restaurant.
"My ride is here," I let them know as I grabbed my helmet and backpack. "Do you need my help with anything else?"
Lola looked up from a table that was full of papers and answered me with a smile, "No, we're done for today."
"All right. See you." I waved my hand toward Lola and reached out to ruffle Richard's curly hair.
"See you later," they both said together.
Carrying my things, I left through the entrance of the restaurant.
Rick was standing in front of the trunk where he had surely already put my bike. He closed the trunk door and then walked to the passenger door.
He greeted me with a smile that suddenly turned into a worried frown.
"Are you okay?" he asked, placing his hand on my waist when he got close enough.
"Yes, I'm fine," I told him.
His worried expression did not fade; my body language must have given me away.
"Something happened?"
"Can we talk about this in the apartment?" I asked, trying to put off this conversation as much as I could.
"All right," he replied. His lips pressed together, forming a thin line and his frown deepened.
He opened the passenger door to let me in and then turned around to get in the car.
TWENTY-FIVE
The ride to the apartment was quiet. Rick didn't insist on asking if anything had happened, but the concern didn't leave his face.
I guessed it must be confusing for him. A few hours ago, he had called me, and everything sounded normal, but now he felt the tension in my body.
Even though by the time we got to the apartment much of my anger had eased, a part of me was still upset by the fact that he did something I had explicitly asked him not to do.
I wasn't angry that he had hit Joe; I was angry that he hadn't listened to me.
Actually, more than angry, I was a little disappointed. It felt like everyone was making decisions for me without even consulting me.
During the ride, neither of us said a word, but I felt his eyes on me all the time.
Even out of the corner of my eye, I noticed something I hadn't noticed before. The lower corner of his lip was swollen and reddened. A small wound was beginning to scab over.
After parking the car, he took my things from the back seat and pulled the keys out of his pocket.
The elevator ride was quick, and when we got into the room, a dim light illuminated it.
"Are you hungry?" he whispered. Maybe because he felt how tense I was, and he was trying not to make things worse.
"No thanks," I whispered back.
I looked carefully as he put my backpack and helmet down by the couch.
Once again, silence fell between us.
I breathed in and out heavily to clear my mind. It was better to rip the band-aid off in one go.
"Why did you hit Joe?"
His puzzlement told me that, of all things, he didn't expect that.
"Is that what pisses you off?"
He tried to hide the frustration in his tone but failed.
"Yes," I answered honestly.
"I hit him because he deserved it," he admitted with a pained expression.
"I know he deserved it, but I asked you not to."
"He hurt you, Anna."
"I know that."
My shoulders slumped as if suddenly the heavy load I had been carrying since my meeting with Joe disappeared.
I realized that Rick just wanted to protect me, and I couldn't blame him for that. But then again, I hated the thought of someone else being in control of my life. It felt just wrong.
"I didn't know you still cared about him." His voice was almost unnoticeable as if he didn't want to talk about this.
"I try not to, but I still care about him."
The constant thought that hundreds or maybe thousands of people may have seen those photos drove me almost to madness.
I wouldn't admit it in front of anyone, but I still woke up in the middle of the night and spent hours searching for them online, even when I hadn't found anything for weeks.
I was afraid that even though I wanted to believe that I was starting to get over all of this, it was still a long way off.
Rick's hands tousled his hair, pushing it back, and then rested on his waist.
"So what are we doing, Anna?"
I didn't understand his question.
"What do you mean?" I asked without understanding what he meant.
"If you still care about Joe, why are we still doing all this?"
What?! So that was what he thought? He thought I was angry because I still had feelings for Joe?
"Rick, you're not getting what I'm trying to tell you—"
"Exactly, I am not getting it, so please help me understand," he said, interrupting me.
"What bothers me is not the fact that you hit Joe; it's the fact that you did it without asking me first, and especially knowing that this affects me. This whole thing with Joe made me feel like I had no control over my life, that I couldn't do anything to change things. I don't want to feel that way again. You did something that affected me, it affected you too, and it left me helpless again, unable to do anything about it."
A new lump formed in my throat, but I didn't let it interrupt my speech. It felt good to let it all out, and even if Rick had been trying to protect me, I just didn't like that he hadn't said anything about what he was planning to do.
Remembering what Joe said this afternoon gave me chills. I didn't know exactly what he was referring to; I didn't even know what I tried to warn him about when I replied.
I mean, sure, I could report him as Rick had asked me to do, but I was sure I wouldn't be able to do it, not because of him, but because of me.
However, what I feared most about Joe's threat was Rick getting in trouble. I didn't want to drag him into this whole mess.
Rick came closer and pulled my head to his chest. I didn't stop him because his hug gave me the calm I needed. I felt his lips rest on the top of my head before he spoke.
"I'm sorry I made you feel that way, and I'm so relieved that it wasn't that I hurt him what upset you... the very thought of it was tearing me up inside."
"Rick, Joe no longer means a thing to me. If things had ended differently, I might still hold a little fondness for him because of all the years we were together, but he just destroyed that possibility," I replied, lifting my face to meet his gaze. "He hurt you," I added, bringing my hand to his swollen lip.
"It's nothing. He came off worse." A smile appeared on his face.
"It's not funny, Rick. He could have hurt you or gotten you in trouble."
"He will not," he quickly replied.
"How do you know?" I asked.
"Trust me."
He kissed my forehead and remained there for a few seconds. I closed my eyes, enjoying his warmth.
When he separated, confusion filled his face.
"How did you find out about my fight with Joe?"
I pulled away from our hug, trying to look relaxed. After what Rick did when he found out about the truth behind the photos, the last thing I wanted was him getting angry again and going after Joe.
Joe's threat was still haunting my mind. However, I didn't want to lie to him about it, so I decided to tell him a half-truth.
"He went to the dorms this afternoon," I said.
His jaw clenched as usual when he didn't like something.
"Did he do something to you?" he asked mumbling while taking a step toward me.
"No, he just wanted to tell me that you had hit him," I lied.
"Okay, but if he bothers you again, just let me know. I don't want him anywhere near you."
I put my hands on his jaw and caressed it, trying to get him to relax.
"Only if you promise that if you want to do something that affects me in some way, you will at least listen to my opinion, and we will make a decision together."
"I promise," he replied in a whisper and leaned his face into my palm.
I believed him.
I brought my lips to his as if we were sealing our agreement. We stood there in the middle of the room, kissing and holding each other.
My hands sought the end of his shirt. I needed to feel his skin against mine.
Our lips only separated so I could remove his shirt, which ended up somewhere on the floor.
He lifted me up so I could wrap my legs around his body and led us into the bedroom.
This time there was no jar with kinky stuff in it, nor did he ask me what I wanted to do; we just kissed and slowly undressed each other, savoring every moment with our hearts pounding.
Of all the times we did it, this felt like the best one.
Later, when we lay naked wrapped in the sheets, he asked me again the same question he asked hours ago.
"What are we doing, Anna?"
His deep voice sent tingles down my spine. Maybe he thought I was asleep and didn't really expect an answer, but I decided this was the best time to get answers.
