In this sixteenth installment of the perpetually preposterous military science fiction series, Colonel Joey R. Czerinski has his hands full when the Legion's own world-famous science fiction writer, Private Knight, gets some psycho backup from new recruit Private Randal Telk. Things are never going to be the same for the United States Galactic Foreign Legion or planet New Colorado. As construction of the new Galactic Disney theme park nears completion in New Colorado's New Gobi Desert, suspicion escalates between humans and spiders. On opening day, the Legion employs more than fairy dust and magical mice to provide security, mounting missiles and machine guns as backup in the 'Escape from Spider Mountain' ride. The Legion's goal is to keep the peace - but, as humans and spiders alike realize, peace is a relative concept. A former legionnaire baseball star returns for an exhibition game, upsetting Colonel Joey Czerinski's plan to hedge his bet. Joey Junior, a chip off the old Czerinski block, joins the Legion, while Mom goes back to her terrorist ways. Meanwhile, Private Telk and his infamous 396 steps to sexual bliss add a whole new dimension to the term 'psychosis' as the way-out, off-the-wall wackiness continues.