“She didn’t,” I huffed. “And as far as I’m concerned, she made the right call. Y’all couldn’t wait for this day to come. The only thing standing in the way of y’all and some money y’all thought y’all was entitled to was Gema. With her out the way, I guess y’all thought it was ‘bout to be some big pay out. That’s fucking selfish and it’s tacky as fuck. This y’all mama. The fucking plug ain’t even been pulled and y’all worried ‘bout money. Damn!” I spat.

  “You taking it the wrong way, Tali,” Louise tried to intervene.

  “I’m taking it the way y’all putting it out there. This one–” I pointed to my mama. “Dealt with Gema cause she thought it was gon’ give her some brownie points. Meat, you don’t come around, don’t call, hell… don’t even send a fucking birthday card.

  Louise you just… I can’t even begin to tell you ‘bout yo’ self. Willearl you halfway decent, at least you tried sometimes. Hell, I applaud you for your half ass effort. Betty Jo… Pick a fucking side and stay there. That back-and-forth shit ain’t getting you nowhere at all.

  Wanna know what I’mma do with the money? I’mma keep the fucking property taxes paid on the house and put the rest in the bank for a rainy day. A ‘in case one of y’all fuck up’ day. I promised Gema I would look out for y’all and I’mma keep my promise. I’m giving y’all twenty-four hours to make peace before I have the machines unplugged. When I settle on a time and date for the funeral, I’ll hit y’all up. I’ll be back tomorrow. I can’t do this with y’all today.” Grabbing my purse off the couch from by Law, I tossed it over my shoulder and stormed out of the room.

  My granny laid up in the bed essentially brain dead and they asking ‘bout some fucking money. I don’t know what was sadder; the fact that they ain’t care enough about her to be respectful at her bedside or the fact that all they was concerned with was some money.

  “Talitha, wait up,” Law called after me.

  “I just–” Shaking my head, I spun around in his direction with tears in my eyes. “They make me so fucking mad. I’m so angry Law, and I’m trying. God knows I’m trying. Trying hard not to show my natural black ass in these folks hospital cause God forbid they ban my ass and I can’t say my proper goodbyes.”

  Grabbing me by the hand, Law pulled me into his chest. “The shit they’ve got going on is something they’ll have to answer for. Your only mission right now is fulfilling Gema’s last wishes and laying her to rest properly. Why go back and forth with them about something that was solidified years ago? You don’t owe them anything. Gema and your grandfather made the decisions they made for a reason.”

  “I keep trying with them because I feel like it’s the right thing to do… ya’ know,” I cried. “Gema wouldn’t want us to be sitting up here arguing, and definitely not about no fucking money. They just make me so… ugh!” I groaned louder than I planned. “Please get me out of here. Take me back to the hotel where Mrs. Jessie is. I can’t stay here like this. The more I try to be strong, the more they do or say something to piss me off.”

  “Let’s go love. We can come back later when everyone has retired for the evening.” Slipping his hand inside of mine, Law walked me out of the hospital.

  “You know it’s always the ones who do the least that expects something. Black people kill me when someone passes. They barely come around while they’re alive and the minute they pass, everybody sitting around with the hand out looking for something.

  Do you know your daughter had the nerve to say we need to go ahead and sell the house. Sell a house that she has never had anything to do with. Gema, I’m trying.” I chuckled bitterly. “Then that Meat. Good God. Boy looking for some money. What money Gema? You left Meat something and ain’t tell me? Louise round here acting like somebody blaming her for all of this. She barely holding her head up cause she scared I’mma say something to her.

  Ain’t nobody blaming her. I swear fo’ Papa Joe. I know you clumsy, been saying it for months. I’m not mad at her. But you know who I am mad at. You! I’m so angry with you Gema cause you knew better. You knew to call somebody if you needed to get up out of the bed.

  You know when the sun go down, you get a lil’ confused. I bet that’s what happened.” I gripped her hand tighter. “You woke up and realized you wasn’t at home in yo’ bed and prolly was ‘bout to come looking for me. You knew better Bertha Mae. I done told you so many times don’t get up out that bed in such a rush. You know you gotta sit there for a minute to let yo’ head stop swimming.

  I know… I know… All I do is fuss but girl you don’t be listening. And look at you now.” I reached out and stroked her hair. “Laid up in the hospital with a tube going down ya’ throat. What I’m supposed to do now girl? How I’m supposed to let these people turn off this machine and go on ‘bout life like everything all good. Girl…” I sucked in a deep breath when I felt my tears start to flow down my face.

  “You tell Papa Joe, I did it. I did everything he told me to do. I want you here with me but I know your place is up there with him. Bertha Mae, you’re a saint if I ain’t never seen one before. Thank you for rescuing me from that dark place and loving me in spite of my flaws. Thank you for instilling morals and values in me. Thank you for molding me into the woman I am today. Most importantly thank you for giving me a chance at life.

  I know you prolly tired of hearing me talk now so I’ll stop. I wanted to speak my peace before everybody came back up here. Don’t show out to bad when you get to Heaven girl. You better get up there and act like you got some sense. Like I raised you right.” Wiping my eyes on the sleeve of my cardigan, I dropped Gema’s hand and stood from the chair I’d pushed up to her bedside.

  “I’mma miss you so much baby. You’re free Gema.” My voice cracked. “I love you so much.” Laying one last kiss on her forehead, I gathered my things and walked out of her room. I’d made peace with the situation last night. I wanted uninterrupted time with her and I’d gotten that.

  “You ready?” Law asked when I rounded the corner.

  “I am.” Turning to her medical team, I stuffed my hands in the pockets of my sweats. “I’ve signed off on the documents, I don’t need to hear the whole spill. If you must then tell it to the rest of them when they show up. If they want to stay here and watch it happen that’s fine with me. The funeral home will be here at five this evening to retrieve the body. Thank you so much for all that you’ve done to assist me in her transition.”

  “You’re welcome Ms. Howard, and we’re truly sorry for your loss.”

  “Thank you.” I tipped my head at them and turned to walk away.

  While I handled my business out here, Law went back to Atlanta to grab clothes for me and Mrs. Jessie. I’d told him I planned on being here long enough to settle the will and closeout her accounts and everything. I also needed to sit down with the rest of them and planned on doing so before Meat got ghost again.

  Because me and Gema had already set everything up and was just waiting for the time to come, it took no time for us to set a date for the funeral. After finalizing everything, the date had finally come and instead of riding in the limo with the rest of the family, I’d chose to let Baker escort Mrs. Jessie and me.

  Standing in the bathroom mirror, I put the finishing touches on my makeup. Gema service was at noon and it was nearing eleven o’clock. Out of all of the things I could’ve felt today, numb was at the top of the list. Numb because today would be the last day I got to see my best friend in the physical. All I would have left were memories of what used to be.

  I don’t remember it being this hard when we buried Papa Joe, probably because Gema was by my side and also because I had to keep my emotions in check because she had lost her life partner.

  Mrs. Jessie and Law being here had helped me a great deal, but I would be lying if I said I couldn’t tell that something was missing. The day I had the plug pulled on Gema, my mama called herself trying to check me about not being there. After I cursed her the fuck out and told her I’d already spent my time with Gema, I blocked her from my phone.

  The last thing tying me to her was getting ready to be lowered into the ground by her husband and I was officially done being nice. After I got the business side of things squared away, I was done with everyone down here. They wouldn’t hear from me, nor would they ever see me again. Not even Betty Jo flip flopping ass, and I meant that shit.

  Peeking her head through the door, Mrs. Jessie asked, “Tali, are you ready?”

  Sucking in a deep breath, I pushed out, “I guess.”

  Sweeping the hair out of my face, Mrs. Jessie stared at me through the mirror and smiled. “Talitha, you have the strength of a lion. You can do this and anything that God throws your way. You were handpicked for this. Bertha knew you would rise in the midst of controversy. Don’t look at it as you saying goodbye to her. Think of it more as her finally getting peace cause Lord knows she’s been fighting hell trying to keep the peace between you and those kids of hers.”

  “Thank you Mrs. Jessie.”

  “You’re welcome darling. There’s a certain someone sitting out there that’s waiting on you. Don’t push him away Tali. Believe me when I say, now is the time you’re going to need him the most. Let him be here for you, let him love you. It’s what Bertha would’ve wanted,” she affirmed.

  Turning away from the mirror, I wrapped my arms around her. “I’m going to miss her so much,” I cried.

  “We all are,” she breathed and ran her hands up and down my back. “Pull it together. We gotta go see our girl off.”

  “Yes we do,” I confirmed.

  Hand in hand, Mrs. Jessie and I walked out of the bathroom. When we made it to the front of the suite, Law was sitting on the couch with his legs shoulder width apart. Motioning for me with his hands leaned up. When I was in close range, he grabbed my hand and pulled me down into his lap.

  Nestling his head in the crease of my neck, he placed a subtle kiss there before whispering in my ear. “To be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord.”

  “Amen,” I recited. Law passed me a pair of black Gucci frames for me to put on and patted my leg for me to stand. After helping me into my blazer, he checked me out from head to toe. Satisfied with my appearance, he grabbed my hand and escorted me out of the room.

  “The precession was nice Tali. You and Mama did a good job,” Betty Jo acknowledged as she took the seat next to me at the table.

  “That was all Gema’s doing. All I did was sign off on everything and make sure the money was paid.” I shrugged.

  When we planned her funeral, Gema was adamant about the things she wanted. Her casket was pearl white with gold accents. She wanted to be buried in a white two-piece suit. My girl said to make sure whoever was in charge of her makeup ain’t make her look like a clown, said she wanted a nice natural beat and a nude lip. I had to make sure her hair was curled tight just like she wanted.

  She wanted all of her chirren to wear nothing but black. She wanted to be the only angel in the room. Her words, not mine. And I made sure they followed every single rule. She told me to put me, Betty Jo, and Meat on the first row and to sit the rest of ‘em behind us cause she ain’t wanna have to lay there listening to my mama and Willearl cut a fool. Gema said all that was gon’ do was piss her off and have her getting out the casket to whoop some ass.

  My mama was pissed when she found out Law and Mrs. Jessie was sitting on the first row with me, and she was on the second. I didn’t give not one fuck and begged her to show her ass. I was gon’ put her in the casket with Gema. Gon’ bury her ass right along with her mama.

  The funeral was nice. Everything was done just the way she wanted. When it was time to say my goodbyes, I put the gold beaded bracelet she had given me on my twenty-first birthday on her wrist. I also made sure they buried her with my favorite blanket that I had given her.

  Just like Gema predicted, my mama and Willearl cut up the entire funeral. My mama was crying so hard at one point, Joe Lee got up and escorted her out. The burial is what took the damn cake. When they started lowering Gema into the ground, she jumped up out of her seat and begged them to take her. I was used to her and her shit so when she started that, I simply got up, dropped my rose on top of Gema’s casket, and walked away. Whatever happened after that, I didn’t know and ain’t care to hear about.

  Instead of having the repass at the church, we decided to do it at Betty Jo house. She had that big back deck and since the repass was reserved for just the family, it was enough space for all of us.

  “Bonnie look good in that dress.”

  “I know. I told her and Willearl they bet not show up today looking country. I picked out both of their outfits and had Bonnie go down to Mrs. Cat’s shop to get that mess on her head tamed.”

  “I’m surprised Willearl wasn’t drunk.”

  “I threatened to have his ass removed if he was. I still think he took a sip of something the way he cut up back there.” I laughed.

  “You know he prolly did. Thank you for allowing Louise to sit up front. That guilt been eating her alive.”

  “I’on know what for. She ain’t cause it.”

  “I know. But she feeling like had she left Mama up there, it wouldn’t have happened. She was trying to prove to you that she can see ‘bout mama without Litha.”

  “I promise, I’m not mad at her. It could’ve happened while she was in my care. It really was a freak accident and unfortunately it cost us our matriarch.”

  “Yeah it did. I’mma miss her.”

  Grabbing her hand, I gave it a light squeeze. “Me too. So much.”

  “You done had enough to eat?” Betty Jo looked down at my plate and asked.

  “Ummhmm. I’mma go get some more in a lil’ bit.”

  “I’ll be over there if you need me.”

  “You’re playing nice,” Law whispered into my ear.

  “I’ve got nothing else left, Harvey. Can’t even be angry… I’m just numb.”

  “I got some good news earlier. Wanna hear it?”

  “What kind of good news?” I asked and rolled my eyes up to meet his.

  “Our application was approved. William sent me an email.”

  “Are you serious?”

  “Very, Love.” He pecked my lips. “You did it.”

  “We did it,” I clarified.

  “Nawl.” Law shook his head. “This was all you baby. From start to finish.”

  “That makes me extremely happy.”

  “I figured it would.” He chuckled. “I’ve gotta shoot back to the city tonight. He wants to come by the school and check it out before bringing the rest of the board. Will you be okay until I get back?”

  “Yeah. I’ve gotta get this business and shit squared away then I’ll be ready to head back myself.”

  “Are you sure? You can stay as long you need. I’ll come back and stay with you. You don’t have to be in a rush to leave.”

  “It’s suffocating being here. I don’t want to stay longer than I have too.”

  “Okay. Well, as soon as we finish here, I’ll have Baker drop you back to the hotel and leave. As soon as I’m done with William, I’ll be on my way back.”

  Grabbing him by the chin, I brought his face down to mine. “Thank you for being here, Harvey. It means the world to me.”

  “There’s no other place I’d rather be love.”

  The longer we sat out there on the patio, the more the vibe went from sad to joyous. My family could turn any situation into a party. Betty Jo eventually came out of the house with various bottles of liquor. When she turned the radio on, everybody started to really party. It was the little times like this that I was going to miss, ya’ know. The rare occasions where for once everybody got along. Only thing missing was my dear Bertha Mae.

  CHAPTER 35

  Lawton

  “Come on, Tali. Come dance with me.” Her aunt Betty Jo tugged at her arm, trying to get her out of her seat.

  “Go on Betty Jo. I’m not ‘bout to get up and embarrass myself. “Tali giggled.

  “What? You don’t want Law to know you can’t dance? He don’t know you got the moves of them white folks.” She laughed.

  “I can dance,” Talitha swore. “Can’t I Law?”

  “I don’t know, love. Can you?” I teased.

  “Come on Tali!” Betty Jo begged. “You know this was Mama favorite song.”

  Shaking my head, I laughed. It was like Gema for her favorite song to be Brick House by The Commodores. “Go dance with your aunt.” I nudged her with my elbow.

  Talitha hopped out of her seat and grabbed hands with her aunt. The two of them stood in the center of the patio and rolled their hips while giggling and singing the words to the song. Today had been sullen, from the time we woke up till we were leaving the graveyard, Talitha had been quiet. During the service, she shed quiet tears while staring at Gema’s casket. The only time she took her eyes off it was when the officiant called her name. For the majority of the service, she sat with her elbows resting on her knees and head propped in her hand.

  When it was time for her to view the body, I held onto her as we walked up to the casket. When she went to go put the bracelet on Gema’s wrist, she finally broke down. Watching her shoulders shudder as she bawled her eyes out broke my heart. It brought me back to the day I’d buried my father. I couldn’t fathom being in that position for a second time so once Talitha was done grieving I knew I needed to work harder at mending my relationship with my own mother.

  It was time for me to truly forgive and move on, and by forgive I mean by allowing her the chance to be in my life in the present.

  Talitha and her aunt danced for three songs straight, and when the last one ended, she walked up behind me and ran her hands down my chest. When Teddy Pendergrass’ “You’re My Latest, My Greatest Inspiration” began to play, she leaned down and requested. “Come dance with me Harvey.” Here she was already out of breath but asking me to dance.

 

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