Colorful, p.10
Colorful, page 10
“Yes. And I’m sorry; I got carried away,” he answered sincerely.
I smiled and shrugged. “I did too.”
“Still want to say you feel nothing for me?” he asked. I rolled my eyes and turned to look at the ceiling. “That’s what I thought,” he added smugly when I refused to answer.
“Contempt is an emotion I’m adding to the list of things I’m feeling for you,” I warned. He laughed and I couldn’t help the smile that tugged at my lips. “So… tomorrow, we can’t get carried away like that,” I reminded.
“Why not? Everyone would clear out and leave us alone,” he suggested. I shook my head, reality starting to seep back in. Silence fell between us, and I began gnawing on my lower lip as all the previous worries I’d had came rushing forth, cooling my overheated body. What if someone figured it out? How mad would they be? How hurt? What if they told the press and Connor was ruined? What if, what if, what if…
The bed beside me dipped lower as Connor rolled to his side, shuffling closer to me. His face hovered over mine, and he slowly brought his hand up to tug my lip free of my teeth.
“Why the worry?” he asked gently, his finger stroking my cheek. I swallowed my desire to kiss him again and tried to pull back emotionally. The way he looked at me sometimes, with all that concern and heat, the way he touched me like he was at that very moment… It was hard to remind myself this was all an act.
“I don’t want to fall for you,” I admitted quickly. Surprise flashed in his eyes before a speck of confusion and then thoughtfulness.
“You won’t,” he promised.
I shook my head. “You don’t know that.”
“Sure, I do,” he said certainly with a small shrug. “There’s not a lot to like about me except for my money, and you’re not interested in that.”
I slowly shook my head and wanted to slap him in his gorgeous face. “Self-deprecation… my soft spot.”
Connor sighed, his care-free mask gone, leaving me with the man beneath it all. The man I could find myself falling for if I wasn’t careful.
“If it helps… I don’t want to fall for you, either.”
“I never really thought you would. But why not?”
“It really pisses me off when you talk down about yourself like that,” Connor growled, and I felt my eyes widen in surprise. “You never thought I would fall for you? Why? You’re a fucking knock out with those dimples and those eyes. This body is phenomenal. You are crazy smart and have a wicked sense of humor. You call me out when you see me being a dick and you are a genuinely good person, something I don’t find too often in this world.”
I was struck speechless again and he raised an eyebrow.
“Nothing to say back to that?” he quipped.
“You have this habit of rendering me speechless.”
He tipped his head to the side. “And that surprises you?”
“I speak three other languages; I can usually find something to say for everything.”
Connor’s smile was breath catching, and then he shook his head, some of the tension leaving his body. I sucked in a deep breath and reached up to touch his face. His eyes widened in surprise and his lips parted.
“I don’t want to get hurt, Connor. I don’t want to get attached to you and your family and then have to say goodbye to it all when this is over. I’ve been alone for a long time, and I’m used to it now, but if I let myself get carried away with us and this charade, then it’s going to hurt so much more when it’s over,” I whispered. “So, now you tell me. Why don’t you want to fall for me?”
He seemed to think about things for a moment, and I wondered if his next words were going to be flippant and funny, or if he was going to be truthful.
“You see through all my bullshit,” he began softly. “I was never good at being vulnerable, and being around you would mean that’s what I’d be all the time,” he admitted, dark eyes soft, searching… unsure.
“If you hate being vulnerable so much, and all I do is make you feel that way, then you should have no trouble not falling for me,” I reminded with a kind smile, hoping I looked half as care-free as I was trying to feel. Connor’s lips tilted in a forced smile, but he didn’t respond to that. We stared at each other for another length of time, neither of us speaking or moving. My heart thudded hard, and I found myself wanting to kiss him again, but we couldn’t. I didn’t trust us to stop this time. And considering what we’d just shared, I couldn’t trust my stupid heart not to get attached.
“I should go,” Connor whispered, reading my mind. I nodded and his smile, while small, was real this time. With one last searching look, he got to his feet, and I slowly pulled myself up until I was sitting.
“So… I guess I’ll see you tomorrow?” he asked, shoving his hands into the front pocket of his jeans.
“Yes,” I answered as I climbed to my feet. I followed Connor out of my room and to the front door where he put his shoes back on.
“Get dry soon,” I told him as he opened the front door. He turned to look at me, eyes searching, and then he smirked.
“See you tomorrow, wife-to-be,” he added. Letting those words wash over me, I nodded and closed my eyes as Connor leaned forward to brush a quick kiss over my lips before he turned and ran out into the rain. I watched him disappear into the night before I closed and locked the front door.
I was so screwed.
CHAPTER TEN
AMARA
“You really are beautiful,” Maggie, Connor’s mother praised, and I looked at her in the mirror to see tears in her eyes.
“Oh, don’t cry!” I spun quickly to look at her, worried she was upset.
“No, dear. You are just so lovely in that gown, and my son is so lucky,” she hurried to console, wiping away a wayward tear.
I glanced at myself in the mirror again, that pit I’d woken up with was gnawing at my insides, making me faint and nauseous. The dress really was beautiful, and I had to admit, the makeup artist had pulled off a miracle to get rid of my bloodshot eyes and hide the shadows beneath them. The dress was simple and elegant, with a corset bust and attached skirt that flared only a little around the hips to fall in gentle waves to my feet. I felt like a damn princess, and the small tiara in my hair only added to my delusion.
But I was a fraud.
I was really going to walk down the aisle today and marry a man I barely knew and who I did not love. Yes, okay, maybe one day I could possibly—definitely—find my way to loving him, but I wouldn’t allow it to happen now. We were faking it, that was all.
“I think I’m the lucky one,” I whispered hoarsely to his mother who beamed at me and took in a deep breath.
“Okay, you’re all ready to go. I’m going to check on Connor and then be back when it’s time to get going. Are you going to be okay on your own?” she asked.
Gee… did I really look like I was that close to bolting? I threw my shoulders back and drew in a deep breath. I smiled at Maggie and nodded.
“I’m okay.”
She smiled again, squeezed my hand and left.
Connor had two female cousins who were standing up for me today as I didn’t have family on my side, nor did I have any friends I considered close enough to invite to my wedding. Besides, I didn’t want anyone I knew to be here anyway. Lying to all of Connor’s family was hard enough, but to lie directly to another person I knew?
Since waking up this morning, my stomach had been in knots and my head had been thumping. I’d been given eye drops, a smoothie and vitamins to help me feel a little better. The makeup artist really was an artist and had managed to make me look beautiful without looking like someone else by wearing too much makeup. The hairstylist was a lovely woman who gave me these big, thick curls and twisted the top part of my hair into this gorgeous pattern and inserted the tiara.
“Mom… I wish you were here,” I whispered to myself. I’d have gone to her for guidance the moment Connor walked into my life, and I’d do almost anything now to hear her voice, to have her tell me what to do. I wasn’t sure if I was making a huge mistake today, or if this would all work out for the best.
Connor had asked me if I wanted him to ask his father to walk me down the aisle, but I’d opted to do it alone. This wasn’t real, and so it didn’t feel right to ask him to do that for me.
There was a gentle tap at the door and my anxiety spiked. Oh God, I wasn’t ready yet. But when the door opened, it wasn’t Connor’s mother who entered, but Cindy.
“Hi,” I whispered in relief.
“You look stunning,” she greeted with a smile that had slowly been warming up the more time we spent together.
“I feel beautiful. That make-up artist is a goddess,” I answered with a small laugh. Cindy nodded, and I paused as I caught sight of her serious eyes. “Everything okay?”
She nodded and stepped closer, looking hesitant to say what she wanted to say.
“Are you really in love with Connor?” she blurted quickly, seeming to throw caution to the wind.
I swallowed hard and ducked my head, trying to rearrange my features and slip into the shoes of Connor Arthur’s fiancé again.
“I’m marrying him, Cindy,” I answered.
“That didn’t answer my question,” she pointed out, stepping closer. I watched her and she shook her head slightly. “I know you must think I’m the jealous ex-girlfriend who can’t let go. I am the ex, and yes, maybe I am a little jealous, but not of you. I’m jealous because Connor and I grew up together, we know each other’s secrets and truths. I can’t shake this feeling that this is all a lie, and that this marriage is going to fall apart. I know when that happens, Connor will get hurt because… he’s never looked at another woman the way he does with you.”
An odd feeling twisted in my stomach, and I tried not to frown. “Cindy… are you in love with Connor?”
She blinked in surprise, and I stepped closer, shrugging a shoulder. “My ex had a woman for a best friend, and for a long time he swore to me he didn’t have any feelings for her deeper than friendship. She too, promised me he was just her friend, but something in my gut told me it wasn’t true, that they were in love and just hadn’t said the words,” I began, realizing that the sting of losing him wasn’t as sharp anymore.
“So?” Cindy prompted.
“Connor speaks highly of you, warmly of your childhood together. He cherishes your relationship even if it has been a roller coaster. Now you’re here on the day of our wedding questioning me about my feelings for him. I don’t want another situation like I had where two people are secretly in love and just haven’t found the courage to say it yet. Do you love Connor? Should I be worried?” I asked. I knew it didn’t matter anyway; Connor and I were faking it. But if Cindy truly loved him, I didn’t want to hurt her.
She didn’t reply right away, her stunning blue eyes shuttered as she looked at me, trying to read something.
“I’m not in love with Connor, but I do love him. When you grow up in the spotlight like we did, with all our advantages, people try to use you often. It’s hard to know who your true friends are, and who aren’t. Connor has always been loyal,” she finally answered.
“You’re protective of him,” I whispered.
“He knows my true self, and I know his. Which is why I am finding this whole relationship between the two of you so hard to buy. I know that man, I have my whole life. Having Connor be in love with me would make a relationship between us so much easier, so while he looks at you in a way a part of me wishes he looked at me… there’s something off about the whole thing. I need to know that you’re not using him, Amara. I need to know that you’re not some gold-digging leach or out for your fifteen minutes of fame.”
“I promise, Cindy,” I began, giving the woman my full attention. “I am not using Connor. I care about him, maybe not the same way you do… but I wouldn’t be here in this dress right now if I didn’t care enough for him. You don’t know me, but I need you to believe that.”
Her pale blue eyes studied me carefully before she let out a slow breath and nodded.
“I do. I don’t know why… but I do. I’m not sure what’s going on between you two, I know this whole thing is fake even if you won’t admit it and I can’t prove it. Just—whatever it is you two are up to… don’t hurt him,” she whispered.
I didn’t answer her, too afraid I’d say something that would confirm her suspicions. She nodded again and turned around, leaving me in silence. My breath left me in a whoosh, and I closed my eyes, wishing this was over and done with already.
The door opened again, and this time when I looked up, it was Connor’s mother.
“Are you ready?” she asked, beaming. I drew in another deep breath and nodded, plastering what I hoped was a convincing smile on my face.
I was led out of the bridal room, down a hall and a small flight of stairs. We were getting married in this beautiful mansion that was used for balls, weddings, and charity galas. The further we walked, the louder the murmurs of a crowd became, and I felt my knees weaken and my heartrate shoot through the roof.
Oh God, oh God… what was I doing?!
~
CONNOR
“Breathe, son. Your bride is on her way,” my father said with a grin and a pat on my shoulder as I tapped my thumbs together restlessly behind my back. I hadn’t stopped fidgeting since I came out, and I was beginning to sweat. Not because I was about to go ahead with a fake marriage. Surprisingly, that part didn’t bother me all that much. What was bothering me was the fear that Amara would get cold feet and make a run for it. I would understand if she did, totally, but I wanted to watch her walk down the aisle, I wanted to see her in that dress, I wanted to kiss her in front of all my family, and I wanted to marry her and make her officially mine. Maybe I was rushing into things, maybe I was getting too caught up in the idea of the two of us, but the more I thought about my fake marriage to her, the more I wanted it to be real. It would settle my nerves some if I knew for sure how she felt about me, but it didn’t matter in the end.
I’d come to a decision last night after kissing her. After that kiss. The kiss that set my very soul on fire, that turned my blood to molten lava and sent my body into meltdown. I’d barely had the strength to pull away after feeling her beneath me, her lips on mine as she kissed me as desperately as I was kissing her. Hearing those moans from her, the way she arched into me, the feel of her hardened nipple in my hand…
I shook my head and tried to bring my body back under control.
After kissing her last night, I’d decided that I was going to make Amara Pearson mine. I was going to woo her, shower her with affection, and make her realize we could be great together. I wanted her to fall for me the way I was falling for her, damn the consequences. We were getting married… maybe we could take something that had started out as fake and turn it into something real.
The music changed suddenly and I froze, my eyes snapping to the end of the aisle as the crowd of people stood. My heart began to pound hard in my chest, my pulse loud in my ears. This was it.
Seconds dragged on for what felt like hours and at the first sight of her at the end of the aisle, my breath left me in a rush, my heart swelling. She was beautiful beyond the definition of the word.
She walked forwards gracefully, the red and white flowers in her hand gripped tightly. I watched her face as her eyes darted about the crowd, her smile forced and thin… until she looked up at me. Her steps faltered slightly before she continued, and I watched the way she drew in a deep breath and her shoulders relaxed. I smiled at her, joy burning through my body, and she smiled back, something in it causing my stomach to lighten.
Fate had to have played a part in this, there was no way I’d gotten so lucky as to stumble across a woman like Amara and have her smile at me like that, all on my own.
All my anxiety drained away as she reached me, and I didn’t hesitate to offer her my hand. Amara took it slowly, and I helped her ascend the two small steps onto the platform. I couldn’t drag my eyes away from her as she handed over her bouquet of flowers to one of my cousins, and I found it settling how she never once took her eyes from me.
Our guests took their seats, and our officiant began the ceremony. I wish I could say every moment of it was ingrained into my memory, that the words we uttered to each other were forever stuck in my mind, but I’d be lying. With the exception of saying the words, “I do,” and hearing Amara say them too, I didn’t remember any of it. All I could think the entire time I held her hand in mine was that I was the luckiest man in the world. Because Amara was everything a man should want in a woman, and she was standing there in a white dress, looking at me with what I felt was far too intimate to call friendship.
“I now pronounce you husband and wife,” the officiant announced. My heart leapt in my chest and Amara’s eyes widened slightly as if she too had just tuned into his words. “You may kiss the bride.”
I didn’t hesitate or give her a chance to bolt. Since the moment I laid eyes on her at the end of the aisle, all I’d wanted to do was kiss her again. Thankfully, she didn’t resist in the least. I wrapped an arm around her waist, took in her smiling eyes and lowered my mouth to hers.
No one else existed in that moment.
With Amara in my arms, her lips on mine and her hands sliding up my chest to link at the back of my neck, the rest of the world fell away. I slid my other hand into her hair, and I kissed her deeply, passionately, trying to mark her in some indefinable way so that she would know beyond a shadow of a doubt that this wasn’t me just playing a role anymore, this was me, claiming my woman. It had taken that first kiss to finally make me realize that I absolutely wanted her, and not as a fake bride, not as a friend… I wanted her for myself in every way I could claim her. I couldn’t get enough, and I dragged her closer, wanting to remove all barriers between us so that I could show her just how amazing she was, how desirable, and how perfect we could be together.
